Self-indulgent Saturday-Sunday #3

This third episode covers around 12 years between 1955 & 1967, following my leaving Bridlington High School (previous posts are at #1 and #2 ).

 Posing! c.1955

I coulda stayed in school for two more years, coulda then gone to university or teacher training college - coulda but didn't wanna. I wanted to earn money, see life, learn from experience, get away from regimentation, exploit my independence.

A youthful dream was to be a newspaper reporter, but living where we did, that was a forlorn hope. Second choice, and one with more chance of success: work in a library aiming to become a fully fledged librarian. I was interviewed at our County Library in Beverley, some 14 miles from home, but was unsuccessful, mainly due to my lack of work experience - my GCE academic exam qualifications well exceeded what was required. That interview did lead to another opening, and one almost tailor made for me at that time : general assistant to the County Archivist, in the County Record Office, also in Beverley. It turned out to be a fascinating job which I grew to love.

I travelled to Beverley from home by train, 5 and a half days a week. I'd been learning to type and trying to learn shorthand in evening classes and spare time for a few months. My new job wasn't simply as a typist though, that was a side-requirement. The County Archivist, Mr H. had established the County Record Office a few years earlier and was still deep in process of persuading local gentry and minor aristocracy, of which there was a goodly number in East Yorkshire, to deposit their family archives in the Record Office for safe keeping, and to be catalogued and used for research by historians and genealogists.

Mr H. was a delightful guy, I wish I had a photograph of him to share, but any I owned were lost in what I call the Great Fire of 1996. I can find no photo of him online, but did unearth a list of reference numbers to archive documents since transferred from the Beverley Record Office to the History Centre of Hull University. I noticed, with glee, that all those in second half of the list - those with prefix double D ("DD..") were those I helped to sort, catalogue, index etc. so many years ago. (See here).

Mr H's powers of persuasion worked well, our three large strongrooms soon filled with lots of valuable materials - stuff crying out for investigation and interpretation. The documents, on receipt, were often absolutely filthy, having been stored in dusty attics, or dank, musty cellars, for centuries. Our first job was to clean and sort, then Mr H. would draft entries for detailed catalogues which I would type, then stamp and number the documents, store them carefully in specially-made labelled boxes, then index and cross-index a large card index system (steam version of Google!) After the first year or so I was allowed to actually catalogue many of the later documents myself.

We had visitors to the office daily, asking to see particular documents, some were staff from County Hall - we stored all the County Council's ancient and modern records too, relating to education, highways and bridges, council meeting minutes, court records, etc etc etc. Quite frequent also were visits from out of town students, historians, and the occasional person looking for family history clues. It was part of my job to locate required documents and either log them out (modern council records) or pass them over to the researcher who would study them in an outer office.

In preparing this post I searched online for a photograph of the Record Office building, which stood next door to County Hall. To my dismay I find it has been demosished and a fancy new "Treasure House" replaces it. The old building was a single story affair, with pillared doorway (looked a bit Grecian). A corner of it can be seen on the far left in the photo of County Hall below.

The new structure is shown in an article HERE, A Diamond Anniversary for the East Riding Archives and Local Studies Service which also tells that:

There is a display in the Treasure House featuring photographs of some of the buildings the archives have been stored in and some of the staff who have helped build the service up over the years.

I doubt my photograph was there, don't recall ever having had photograph taken at work, maybe I was named as one of the early staff, there were so few of us: Mr H + one general assistant; I was that one for two separate periods of 3 years: 1955-8 and 1967-70.

After 3 happy years in the County Record Office, in 1958 my itchy feet began to tingle. I loved and respected Mr H, he'd taught me such a lot, not only about history and local history, but about poetry and politics and ....well life in general beyond what I'd experienced in my own family circle. Even so, East Yorkshire was somewhat isolated, I wanted more, began to feel trapped. Once those itchy feet began to tingle something had to give.

I don't recall what propelled me into the life of a live-in hotel receptionist, I really don't. Looking back, it seemed an unlikely next step. Perhaps, at age 19, it was the only way I could find to leave home but still have a place to live and be fed. I found an advert in some publication for a job in a North Yorkshire hotel office, was interviewed, and to my surprise was successful. The hotel was a lovely old coaching inn in a picturesque area close to the border of North Yorkshire and County Durham. From what I can glean online that hotel is now quite different in atmosphere from the Morritt Arms I knew back in the late 1950s. I guess it has been 21st-centurised, maybe now owned by an offshoot of some hotel corporation or other. There's a piece mentioning it HERE.

 As was

I spent the summer there, fell in love, for the very first time, but after a few months the object of my affection disappeared one night without any warning to me, or to the hotel owners or other staff members. A mystery! Owen was his name, he was working as general hotel dogsbody and hall porter, but really didn't seem to fit that role. He befriended me immediately, we "clicked" right away. His disappearance haunted me for years. Later on I learned, from his sister, that at the time he disappeared he had been AWOL from the RAF and had either been apprehended by the authorities, or had gone "on the run". I did, eventually, meet him again, just once - that'll likely be mentioned in #4.

 Married 1962, his pic gone.  With my  parents

The years following were filled with seasonal work in the offices of 10 different hotels around the UK - north, south, east and west. Checking around the internet for photographs of said hotels told me that all have changed almost beyond recognition. One has been taken over by Best Western, others have been tarted up to the eyeballs, extended, modernised. Inevitable, I guess. There were intervals, too, as cashier in a city restaurant, secretarial work in a Rolls Royce Gas Turbine factory, assistant in the Devonshire public transport accounts offices.

In 1960/1 I met first husband, married in 1962, separated in 1963. Tried again a little later - still didn't work. I ought not to speak ill of the dead (if he is ). I'll say only that it was because of him I got to experience Rome, twice, for several weeks; for that, and perhaps for introducing me to Sinatra's genius I have to thank him. He, Val, was Italian, sometime head waiter, sometime ordinary waiter, sometime gambler, philanderer....Enough said, for now. He was removed from the wedding photo (right) it came from my mother's collection, any photos of Val I had in my own collection were destroyed in the Great Fire.

Life as a hotel receptionist, more accurately in those days described as book-keeper/receptionist, because we had to keep "the books" - detailed account ledgers as well as the usual booking records. The luxury of computers to do much of the work for us was non-existent back then. It was from learning how to keep a ledger that I taught myself, through constant practice, to add very long columns of figures (L-S-D: pounds, shillings and pence) without the aid of a calculator. I can still do that, amazingly! We answered correspondence, phone enquiries, typed menus, and in some hotels I was also responsible for making up wage packets for the staff, and dealing with related tax and National Insurance issues. We worked in shifts, very early morning to mid afternoon, or mid-afternoon to late night. We were expected to wear black - navy blue might be tolerated, though not always. I could usually eat in the hotels' dining rooms, choosing from the full menu, or sometimes from a limited list. It was politic, of course, to always cultivate a pleasant relationship with the hotels' chefs - and waiters! Occasionally office staff would be asked to do a shift in one of the bars, or assist at a wedding or banquet - that was fun! Live-in staff were sometimes allocated a room in the hotel itself - top floor or at the back; occasionally there'd be a designated staff house nearby.


Before meeting first husband there had been some boyfriends. Two of the longer lasting ones were Douglas in Devon, who loved big cars (his Jaguar in photo) and dreamed great plans for the future - I hope they transpired; and Ronnie in Lancashire who loved his pint of beer and a game of soccer. Neither ticked all my boxes, but both were good friends. Dang - but I was picky, falling in love again was not easy! There were lots of short term friendships with hotel staff members. Pam, a fellow receptionist in a Lancashire hotel, who was also training as a fashion model, comes to mind. I have her to thank for teaching me how to put on makeup properly, and how to style my hair. Pam was another friend with a birthday close to mine; it's odd how that kept happening.

I have especially nice memories of a pair of travelling representatives for tobacco firms who used to co-ordinate their visits to a North Devon hotel where I worked for one summer and an autumn in the mid-1960s. These two, Tony and Bill, were great buddies, witty, easy-going, well-read, and amazingly they befriended yours truly whenever they were in town. I loved 'em - quite innocently, like brothers I guess...they were both happily married. I often wonder if I was always looking for the brother(s) I never had. Another visitor, to the same hotel, a relief bank manager, Mr S. asked me out regularly for a meal during the time he was seconded to the area. He was a sweetie, middle-aged bachelor, rather old fashioned. I could've, probably should've....but I didn't. When he left, after a month or so, he sent me a huge bunch of wonderful long stemmed bronze chrysanthemums (because I'd told him how I loved the scent).

Mid 1960s, with Mum and Grandparents

It had all been a big adventure for me, hotel life became addictive for a time, even though in retrospect this period of my life was a chaotic patchwork of good, bad and indifferent experiences, lots of movement, not much real progress. Eventually the novelty and addiction wore off, it became tiresome, I began to long for stability.

By 1967, working in a non-hotel environment in Devon, living in a tiny rented apartment, I received a letter one January day, from Mr H, the County Archivist in East Yorkshire, my first boss. Mr H. and I had kept in touch by letter occasionally all through this chaotic patchwork time of my life. He told me that my successor, his assistant, was leaving, would I like to go back to my old job? I decided to take him up on his offer, it was a damp and cold January in Devon, I was lonely, and my feet had stopped itching.

To be continued....

JUNO

June is the month named for Roman goddess Juno, her Greek equivalent was Hera. In mythology she was wife (and sister) of Jupiter (Roman)/Zeus (Greek). She tried to tame her unfaithful, freedom loving spouse away from his adventures, back to matrimonial duties.

The Peacock Complaining to Juno by Gustave Moreau, 1881

 

First verse of a poem titled Jupiter on Juno, by A.D. Hope from the book Antechinus

Juno is the goddess of marriage and childbirth. She is also considered the protector of women. She was devoured by her father Saturn, and rescued by her brother Jupiter, who she married. She is primarily known for being the wife of the father of all gods. She is jealous and stern, frequently quarreling with her husband over his numerous affairs, not to mention his illegitimate children.

She is usually portrayed as a majestic woman, often wearing a crown or a scepter to show her position as Queen of the Olympus. The peacock, an animal which she holds sacred, is one of her most characteristic symbols.

Juno is featured in works of art such as Tintoretto´s “Origin of the Milky Way”, as well as the painting above, titled “The Peacock Complaining to Juno” by Gustave Moreau. She is also feautured in ancient literary works, such as Homer´s “Iliad” and “Odyssey”.
Source: “Gods and Heroes in Art”, by Lucia Impelluso. Hat-tip HERE.

In astrology asteroid Juno (glyph shown, right) takes its attributes from the myths associated with that goddess - notably her position as patroness of marriage. Where asteroid Juno is found in one's natal chart is said to indicate attitude to marriage, marriage partner, etc.

Juno, right now, is at around 22 degrees of Leo.

I don't usually pay much attention to asteroids in astrology, the astrological scene is complicated enough, using all possible combinations available, without adding further content. But, as it's Juno's special month now, I took a a peek at my natal chart, with Juno added, at Astrodienst in the Extended Chart Selection segment. When I was born Juno was at 20 Capricorn, around a degree from natal Mercury, and a few degrees from the descendant angle (depending on exact time of birth of which I'm not certain). Do interpretations for this placement fit me?

There's a fairly clear consensus among on-line astrology sites that Juno in Capricorn translates as a native preferring the solid, upstanding, traditional-type partner, a good earner, reliable, trustworthy etc. Ideally will require a partnership to be legalised by marriage. May gravitate towards an older partner.
Juno conjunct Mercury : likely to be attracted to partners with good communication skills, witty and fluent. Communication will have to be clear and honest, and within any relationship an absolute priority.

Hmmm- well from that little lot I can pick two items which fit or have fitted in the past, and some which do not fit at all.

Sure, I have always paid little or no attention to age. I lived with a much older partner for 30+ years - without "benefit" a marriage certificate. Who needs that - a piece of paper? Husband and I have that piece of paper now, because US authorities wouldn't have allowed me to live with him here without it.

Close relationship is the most important thing in my life, always has been - possibly a need created by being an only child, lacking companionship of siblings in childhood. So Juno close to a chart angle works well. I've always been attracted to good writers, or at least writers who can pull a decent sentence together, a touch of wit thrown in is the cherry on top; and/or to those who can paint and draw well.

Juno in Capricorn interpretations indicating that any partner would be required to be solid, upstanding, "a good earner" doesn't fit me at all...not at all! Being severely independent I've always been able to fill that role for myself. It appears that, in my case, Aquarius Sun and Aries Moon cancel out some of Juno's indications.

Anyone interested can easily discover their natal Juno position at the link above, free of charge. Or, alternatively, there's a Juno ephemeris HERE, covering years 1900 to 2015. Finding interpretations from a variety of websites is just a matter of typing "Juno in........(whatever zodiac sign)" into Google's search box.

Music Monday's Relationship Issues ("don't you love farce?")

Y'all know about iffy relationship issues, one way or another I'm sure. Many common ones have been put to words and music. For instance:

I still miss Jake Thackray and his fun songs, after all these years (he died much too soon in 2002). Here he is with a bit of La-di-dah on the in-law issue:



Sample lyrics:
....I'll be nice to your mother,
I'll come all over lah-di-dah,
Although she always gets up me nose.
(I love you very much.)
And so I'll smile and I'll acquiesce
When she invites me to caress
Her scabby cat;
I'll sit still while she knits
And witters, cross my heart,
And I shan't lay a finger on the crabby old batface.


I'll be polite to your daddy,
Frightfully lah-di-dah,
Although he always bores me to my boots.
(I love you very much.)
And so I won't boo and hiss
When he starts to reminisce


Then there's the general feeling of disappointment issue:




Sample lyrics:
Flowers and wine
is what I thought I would find,
when I came home from working tonight.
Well, now here I stand
over this fryin' pan,
and you want a cold one again.

I bought these new heels,
did my nails, had my hair done just right.
I thought this new dress was a sure bet
for romance tonight.
Well it's perfectly clear,
between the TV and beer,
I won't get so much as a kiss.
As I head for the door,
I turn around to be sure,
did I shave my legs for this?



And much the same issue from the male viewpoint:




Sample::
He's been working all week he's got mental fatigue and that old couch sure looks fine
All week he's been gone she's been sitting alone slowly going out of her mind
As he kicks off his shoes for the six o’clock news she's getting all prettied up
Oh she's wanting to boogie he's wanting to lay there she's got the Friday night blues

And the Friday night blues they get in your shoes and they work to get you down
Oh and there ain't a lady that I ever knew who didn't need her a night on the town
But the hills and the bills and a week's worth of deals has got him feeling more than used
Oh, he's kicking his shoes off she's putting hers on she's got the Friday night blues



Then, as mentioned in the post's title, there's the timing issue:

Just when I'd stopped opening doors
Finally knowing the one that I wanted was yours
Making my entrance again with my usual flair
Sure of my lines, no one is there.
Don't you love farce? My fault, I fear
I thought that you'd want what I want, sorry, my dear.
But where are the clowns, send in the clowns
Don't bother, they're here.

Isn't it rich? Isn't it queer?
Losing my timing this late in my career
But where are the clowns? There ought to be clowns
Well, maybe next year.



  She wears it well  - 1995 above, 2010 below.




Any more iffy relationship songs to add?

Spouse Mix ~ National, Astrological.

Below, some throw-away information I was led to via Eschaton the other day.  Really and truly it's "of little use to man or beast" as we used to say in Yorkshire - hardly likely to be of any great interest to many, but even so was worth a mention, I think.  It's a nice change, for me, to feel that I'm some part of percentages other than the dreaded 99%. I explain my being part of this statistic as due to having natal Venus in Sagittarius - the travelling sign, aided and abetted by the rapid spread of internet communication in the early 2000s.

The U.S. Census Bureau reported today that 11.4 million married-couple households, or 21 percent of all married-couple households in America in 2011, had at least one spouse born in another country. About 13 percent (7.3 million) of households had two foreign-born spouses, and 7 percent (4.1 million) had one native-born and one foreign-born spouse.

Other highlights from the brief:

Among the mixed-nativity married-couple households — households with one native-born and one foreign-born spouse — the foreign-born spouse was more likely to be the wife (55 percent) than the husband (45 percent).
Foreign-born spouses in mixed-nativity married-couple households were more likely to be naturalized U.S. citizens (61 percent) than non-citizens (39 percent).
Foreign-born spouses in mixed-nativity married-couple households were most likely to have been born in Latin America and the Caribbean (40 percent), followed by Europe (26 percent) and Asia (23 percent).
Foreign-born husbands in mixed-nativity married-couple households were more likely than foreign-born wives to have been born in Latin America and the Caribbean. In contrast, foreign-born wives were more likely than foreign-born husbands to have been born in Asia.
Among all states, Hawaii (16 percent) had the highest percentage of married-couple households that were of mixed nativity, while Mississippi, South Dakota and West Virginia (2 percent in each state) had the lowest percentages.

All of which led to thoughts on relationships and astrology in general.

Relationships and astrology - a tangled web involved, with lots of ways to untangle it. For many years I lived with the idea that there is reliable compatibility between certain Sun signs, and a definite no-no between others. "Aquarius and Libra are a wonderful match", we were often told. In my youth I, an Aquarian, married a Libran; it was a disaster on every level. My parents were an Aquarius/Libra combination though, and they lasted 55 years, until one of them died. Is there a logical 50/50 chance of success or failure, whatever the astrology? That's the $64,000 question. After the first disastrous marriage I took up with an astrological no-no, a Sun Taurean, and that relationship lasted 33 years, until his death.

Sun sign is but the shadow of the tip of an iceberg. Harmony between certain zodiac signs, and disharmony between others is undeniable, but still is only a basis for further investigation. Harmony, or otherwise, relates to the astrological principle that each zodiac sign is connected to one of the 4 elements - Earth, Water, Air, Fire. Air and Fire are harmonious, as are Water and Earth, whereas for example, Fire with Earth or Water would not be an easy combination. This is the first strand in that tangled web.

Harmonious Sun signs and/or Moon signs are definitely a sound basis from which to start; certainly there will be initial feelings of understanding between two people whose Suns and Moons are in tune element-wise. However, this connection of fundamental understanding, though excellent for business or friendship, might not provide enough of a zing for serious romantic relationship to blossom.

In a booklet called "How to Handle Your Human Relations" by Lois Haines Sargent (Published 1958 & 1970 American Federation of Astrologers) the author stated "It is a law of attraction as true in metaphysics as in psychology and astrology that our attracting or being attracted to certain persons or environments is rarely, if ever, pure chance." A fascinating thought!

A few interesting points from the booklet follow:

"Individuals born in signs ruled by the same planet, such as Libra-Taurus, ruled by Venus; Scorpio-Aries ruled by Mars; Gemini-Virgo ruled by Mercury; Sagittarius-Pisces ruled by Jupiter; Capricorn-Aquarius ruled by Saturn; (using old rulerships for Scorpio, Pisces, and Aquarius) will be easily adaptable to each other provided the mental-emotional-spiritual requirements are satisfied. Many individuals are attracted to others born in signs in which the respective decans are sub-ruled by the same planets".

Another proposition:

The ruler of the ascendant of one partner is in the sign ascending in the other's chart. Example:Aquarius rises in one chart. Ruler is Uranus. Uranus is in Sagittarius in the other chart and Sagittarius is the sign ascending in this chart.

The author lists several other variations on the theme of ascendants, descendants and ruling planets. The descendant (7th house) opposite the ascendant, is the astrological house pertaining to relationship matters; the ascendant and 1st house represents the self we show the outside world, so the two factors are bound to be important when considering relationship issues.

Another theory:

"An excellent sign of understanding and compatibility occurs when rulers of respective Sun signs are in partner's Sun sign. Example: Sun in Gemini and Sun in Cancer -- Mercury, which rules Gemini, is in Cancer in the Gemini's chart. Moon, which rules Cancer is in Gemini in the Cancer's chart. "

The overall message to be gleaned is that simple Sun sign compatibility can be a promising start - or not. Countless other factors, many others not even touched upon here, account for times when, seemingly against all astrological odds, two hearts manage to blend as one.

 René Magritte's "The Lovers"

A lesson I learned: it's never wise to discount a potential partner on astrological grounds, at least not before delving more deeply into the matter. Even then there could still be other factors, outside of astrology, exerting a powerful pull outweighing natal charts.

As the booklet's author said - "attraction is rarely, if ever, pure chance".

ASTROLOGICAL MOON & Compatibility

Sun is wending its way through zodiac sign Cancer. Astrological doctrine tells us that the sign of Cancer is ruled by, or has affinity with the Moon. So... a look at what 20th century British astrologer Ingrid Lind had to say about the Moon's role in astrology. Extract taken from her out-of-print little book Astrology and Common Sense (1962)

MOON: Stands for the feminine principle. Rules or has affinity with zodiac sign Cancer. Keywords: Response. Fluctuation.

The Moon in any chart has a strong bearing on personality, emotional nature and outward behaviour. The native's general response to life is often suggestive of the sign containing the Moon. In marriage, there will be a very strong link when the respective Moons are found in the same degree of the zodiac, as this will mean similarity of emotional response; or when the Moon of one corresponds with some important degree in the other's chart.

It would seem, then, that an individual's tastes and traits are to some extent indicated by the Moon position; and these are tastes and traits he will recognise and find attractive or sympathetic in someone else.

Just as the minute-hand on a watch gives precision, so the quick-moving Moon gives personal indications. Everyone born in the same (zodiacal) month has the same Sun sign, but the Moon may be in any one of the twelve.

The Moon stands for the feminine principle throughout the life. It is especially important in childhood, when the child is, so to speak, part of the mother. Indeed, all the instinctive responses of babyhood to pleasure, pain, hunger and so forth, which continue in more controlled form, let us hope, throughout the life, are Moon attributes. It is easy to understand that too much Moon is a mixed blessing, as the native will be over-sensitive and make exaggerated responses.

Moon virtues are the best "mother" virtues, such as can manifest in man or woman as kindness, protectiveness and so on. When the Moon is prominent but inharmoniously aspected there is abuse of the feminine quality, in possessiveness, hyper-sensitivity, shyness, "introversion" and the like.

For no reason that I can think of I connect the Moon with the lessons that appear to have to be learned by the individual, or the difficulties which he must face. I have no statistics to back this up; but I have found that in as much as the main problems of a life can be reduced to keywords, these often correspond with the characteristics of the Moon sign. If your Moon is in Scorpio, whall we say, there would be advantage in your studying this sign. Scorpio matters - strong feelings, sex problems, violence or intensity of emotion - may be in need of control or understanding.

Hmmm - I have Moon in Aries, so my life's problems/lessons correspond with Aries characteristics? Trying to become more in tune with Aries characteristics, trying to overcome a natural shyness, timidity and introversion have been a life lesson, I guess. Don't know - not altogether convinced on this point.

Also, I tend to see astrological compatibility in a slightly "looser" way than that in Ms Lind's examples. Sure, it'd be nice if we found ourselves with a partner whose Moon's degree matched our own, but other, "looser" connections are good too. I like Sun/Moon sign compatibility in a relationship. E.g. My Moon in Aries, husband's Sun in Aries. His Moon is Leo and opposite my Aquarius Sun - some might consider that to be a bad thing, but Air and Fire mix and balance, so while it might not be ideal (what is?) - it works. We both have Moon in Fire signs, so have a basic "elemental" understanding of one another - in theory. I'd trust elemental compatibility over most other astro-doctrine.

There are lots of ways compatibility can be found between two charts, but nothing beats that instinctive "knowing feeling" about another person in real life, whether in relation to romantic, professional or platonic friendship. Our inner antennae can be powerful indicators if we allow them to be.

Saturnian Relationships

Astrological Saturn quite often gets a bad press, sometimes deservedly; but there is a positive side to the planet's astrological reputation too.

Astrologer Dena L. Moore's 2002 article about the role of Saturn in Relationship Astrology is an interesting read. The points raised could relate to all kinds of relationships including marriage, partnerships, friendships and professional liaisons when Saturn in one person's natal chart makes close aspect to a planet in the chart of the other party.

Key snippets from the article (which needs to be read in full for overall understanding):

"Saturn’s importance in relationships should not be overlooked........ In synastry, Saturnian contacts are often viewed negatively if there is a square (90 degrees), opposition (180 degrees), or conjunction ( 0 degrees) involved..... A positive Saturnian contact such as the trine (120 degrees) and the sextile (60 degrees) is easier to work with in the relationship because Saturn and the other planet have more of an understanding between them........ Without the strength and support of a significant Saturn contact, it is fairly difficult to think in terms of long-term possibility in a relationship."

Testing this theory on myself and my husband: my natal Saturn at 12.55 Aries trines his Moon at 13.35 Leo; his Saturn at 26.3 Pisces trines my Mars at 28.54 Scorpio. Maybe we're OK for the long haul then, each teaching and learning a few lessons on the journey. We've both been through all manner of relationship grinders over the years, such experiences must have smoothed off many rough edges.

I investigated my parents' charts too. They managed 55 years of often turbulent but always loving and faithful relationship. For much of their lives they worked and lived together 24/7. A testing ground indeed! My mother's natal Saturn conjoined Dad's Neptune in Cancer. The clincher in their charts, I think, was the fact that Mum's natal Uranus was only 6* away from Dad's Aquarius Sun, and sextiled his Saturn in Aries.

Although long term possibilities in relationships may be less of a certainty in the absence of positive Saturn contacts, other placements and aspects could supply a strengthening effect powerful enough to overcome a lack of strong helpful aspects from Saturn. External factors too, such as environment, education, context, background etc. carry as much weight as the astrological in any situation.

Whatever is indicated by any astrological theory is a potentiality to bear in mind, rather than being an outcome chiseled in stone.

Losing & Winning ~ Parable on Commitment

Another helping from Dr. David K. Reynold's book. This parable relates to relationships and fear of commitment. Astrologically these connect to 7th House, zodiac sign Libra, and its ruler Venus. Also linked in this tale is Saturn (as the father), and perhaps Chiron (the Woulded Healer). I see a preponderance of Mutable signs potentially involved as well: Gemini, Virgo, Sagittarius and Pisces. I doubt that a prominence of Fixed or Cardinal signs would be so....well... mutable: changeable, and lacking or fearing commitment, in spite of an unfortunate childhood loss.

See what you think! (By the way, important point: "Corinne" could just as easily be "Colin" with gender references in both cases altered - or not !)


Losing and Winning

Corinne's father died when she was only eight years old. As a grownup she couldn't remember much about him. Something he left her, though, was the fear that men would leave her. Corinne cried when she thought of losing someone.

Corinne tried all sorts of ways to keep men from leaving her. She learned to act sexually assertive and to talk tough in her attempts to please and emulate menfolk. She worked hard at warding off loss and rejection. And, pretty much, she succeeded. Corinne was a bright and beautiful lady. She revealed what talents she possessed and who she pretended to be to full advantage.

In the back of her mind, however, was a nagging question about who she really was.

Corinne had learned techniques to ward off the most dreaded possibility of life she could think of, but she hadn't learned to give herself away to someone who would give himself away to her. She had insured her measure of success with men, but found that success less than fully satisfying. She made sure that her interests were potected, but wondered at the cost.

Life brought Corinne opportunities now and then to sacrifice herself for someone else. Corinne saw these opportunities as dilemmas. Her friend was ill, but she couldn't afford to take time off from work to be with her. A boyfriend was willing to make a life commitment to her, but Corinne feared the entangling commitments of marriage. What if he discovered her true self (whatever that might be) after years of marriage and left her? It was all so difficult.

Corinne worked as an elementary school teacher. She found her work very satisfying. The headaches and long hours of working with barrio kids produced an odd delight in Corinne. School was the major part of Corinne's life in which her personal interests went unprotected. The salary raises and benefits were appreciated, but Corinne would have taught for free and worked on the side to earn money. She knew they needed her - her love and respect as well as her teaching ability. There was no problem with lack of confidence in this area of Corinne's life.

Why didn't Corinne figure out what you know already? Why didn't she transfer what she had learned as a teacher to her existence as a woman? In time, she did. She outgrew her childish self-protectiveness. She tried other ways of being with a gentle and patient man. When she discovered that being herself didn't scare him away she was so relieved that she began thinking some about HIS needs, HIS convenience, about protecting HIM. That put her on the track.

Just another happy ending-beginning.

("Commitment" - sculpture by Michael Speller).

The Thorny Topic of Relationships

Valentine's Day approaches. Our minds turn to thoughts of love and relationships.

Beyond the red hearts and fluffle (my word for what goes on on February 14) there often lies much angst.

"Oh, life is a glorious cycle of song,
A medley of extemporanea;
And love is a thing that can never go wrong;
And I am Marie of Rumania." - Dorothy Parker

As a rule I avoid writing on the topic of relationships, leaving it to my professional colleagues to tippy toe through that minefield. It's a tricky subject at best, and from personal experience I can confirm that though astrology can be initially helpful, even with all astro boxes ticked, one can still come to grief. Actually that should be "two can still come to grief".

Would-be lovers or participants in relationships of any sort often seek the advice of astrologers. This is a wise move, in my view. Before doing so though, it's advisable to read up a little on the basic principles behind astrological doctrine. If this seems like too much of a chore, the seeker may not benefit as fully as he or she might have done from what the astrologer has to say.

Alternatively, an individual with with the soul of a gambler will trust his/her gut feelings in all matters of love and relationships. In some cases this can be even safer than following an astrologer's advice. Gut-feeling can come from a kind of psychic second-sight, aka intuition. Not always though. A mix of astrology and gut-feeling would cover more ground. There's no totally risk-free method for determining success in matters of love, friendship, or life in general....that's my one absolute truth.

Personally, when it comes to relationship queries I always turn to Robert Camp's book "Love Cards". His system is complex and rooted in the mists of time. The system has astrological connection, and seems to bundle this with some other mysterious ingredient. More often than not, in my own experience, it has been reliable. A glance at some of the customer reviews of the book at Amazon (here) confirms that others share my confidence in Camp's system.

At the end of the book is a section called "Bringing More Conscious Awareness into our Personal Relationships". As part of this section the author lists his "Nine Golden Truths of Relationships" and expands on each of them. I'll list the headings only. They, in themselves, are quite telling, but some do need to be expanded upon to be fully understood.

1. We are the ones who choose our partners, not the other way around.

2. No one can make us stay in a bad relationship but ourselves.

3. Though together, we each choose our current relationship for our own personal and specific reasons.

4. All we can see in our partner is ourself.

5. We cannot hurt others and others cannot hurt us. We can only hurt our self.

6. The best thing we can do to love and help our partner is to love our self.

7. Love always wants more of itself and love always brings up everything unlike itself.

8. Lying destroys imtimacy.

9. Marriage is not forever.

Robert Camp finishes by saying:

"These nine truths can be very helpful in separating the truths from the lies we tell ourselves. They can help us through the maze of emotional turmoil and give us some anchors in reality upon which we can depend. If we remember them in times of need, they will be of help."

Relationships

Relationship astrology, though fascinating isn't easy to discuss in a brief blog post. There's such a tangled web involved, and lots of ways to try to untangle it. For many years I lived with the idea that there is reliable compatibility between certain Sun signs and a positive no-no between certain others.

"Aquarius and Libra are a wonderful match", we were often told. In my youth I, an Aquarian, married a Libran - it was a disaster on every level. My parents were an Aquarius/Libra combination and they lasted 55 years - until one of them died. Is there a logical 50/50 chance of success or failure, whatever the astrology? That's the $64,000 question. As I've probably mentioned before, after the first disastrous marriage I took up with an astrological no-no, a Taurean, and the relationship lasted 33 years, until he died.

The Sun sign is but the shadow of the tip of an iceberg. Harmony between certain zodiac signs, and disharmony between others is undeniable, it's the key to much of astrology. The harmony or otherwise relates to the astrological principle that each zodiac sign is connected to one of the 4 elements - Earth, Water, Air, Fire. Air and Fire are harmonious, as are Water and Earth, whereas for example Fire with Earth or Water is not an easy combination. This is simply the first strand in a tangled web. Harmonious Sun signs and/or Moon signs are a good start and almost cetainly there will be initial feeling of understanding between two people whose Suns and Moons are in tune element-wise. This connection of fundamental understanding might not provide enough zing for a serious relationship to blossom though.

An on-line friend of long ago recently sent me a box of books he no longer requires, mainly about Theosophy (which I haven't been able to get my head around as yet) but including one or two astrology-related items. There's a booklet called "How to Handle Your Human Relations" by Lois Haines Sargent (Published 1958 & 1970 American Federation of Astrologers.)

The author states "It is a law of attraction as true in metaphysics as in psychology and astrology that our attracting or being attracted to certain persons or environments is rarely, if ever, pure chance." A fascinating thought to chew on!

In the section on "Love and Marriage" I found a few interesting points, for example:

"Individuals born in signs ruled by the same planet, such as Libra-Taurus, ruled by Venus; Scorpio-Aries ruled by Mars; Gemini-Virgo ruled by Mercury; Sagittarius-Pisces ruled by Jupiter; Capricorn-Aquarius ruled by Saturn; (using old rulerships for Scorpio, Pisces, and Aquarius) will be easily adaptable to each other provided the mental-emotional-spiritual requirements are satisfied. Many individuals are attracted to others born in signs in which the respective decans are sub-ruled by the same planets". I was going to copy the lists of these, but then realised I didn't understand why certain decans were sub-ruled by the planets stated. Never mind.....I'll do some research come back to that on another occasion - it could be interesting!

Here's a more straightforward proposition: The ruler of the ascendant of one partner is in the sign ascending in the other's chart. Example:Aquarius rises in one chart. Ruler is Uranus. Uranus is in Sagittarius in the other chart and Sagittarius is the sign ascending in this chart.

Trying this one for size on Himself and me: I have Cancer rising, ruled by the Moon. He has Moon in Leo and Leo is rising - Bingo!

The author lists several other variations on the theme of ascendants, descendants and ruling planets. The descendant (7th house) is the house connected with relationship, and the ascendant represents the self we show the outside world, so the two factors are bound to be important when considering these issues.

Another theory:

"An excellent sign of understanding and compatibility occurs when rulers of respective Sun signs are in partner's Sun sign. Example: Sun in Gemini and Sun in Cancer -- Mercury, which rules Gemini, is in Cancer in the Gemini's chart. Moon, which rules Cancer is in Gemini in the Cancer's chart. "

The message to be gleaned is that simple Sun sign compatibility, based on elements, is - oddly enough - just elementary in assessing relationship potential. Countless other factors can account for times when, seemingly against astrological odds, two hearts manage to blend as one.

It's never wise to discount a potential partner on astrological grounds, at least not before delving deeply into the matter, or obtaining professional opinion from an astrologer. Even then, against all astrological odds, there could be other factors, outside of astrology, exerting a powerful pull which outweighs natal charts. As the booklet's author said - "attraction is rarely, if ever, pure chance".

(Small picture at top: The Lovers by Rene Magritte)

Saturn and Relationships

Astrologer Dena L. Moore's article about the role of Saturn in Relationship astrology is an interesting read. It's 5 years old, but none the worse for that.

She says (among other things):

"In synastry, Saturnian contacts are often viewed negatively if there is a square (90 degrees), opposition (180 degrees), or conjunction ( 0 degrees) involved. It is often stated that the Saturn person has a restricting or limiting influence on the other person’s involved planet. This is true to an extent but it should be understood that Saturn is the vulnerable one in this situation. He is trying to hide his pain, his weaknesses from his partner and does this with a self-protecting mechanism of domination and ‘parental’ guidance. The very part of the other person Saturn is trying to restructure is simply an unconscious projection on his part--it is a part of the Saturnian personality that he recognizes but can’t consciously associate with himself.

A positive Saturnian contact such as the trine (120 degrees) and the sextile (60 degrees) is easier to work with in the relationship because Saturn and the other planet have more of an understanding between them. Although Saturn can still be unconscious in these circumstances, chances are the Saturnian person has had some prior experience with a Saturnian connection in another relationship and thus has a more conscious knowledge of his Saturnian placement and is working more successfully with the energy. In the new relationship with the positive Saturn connection, the Saturnian is helping build up the structural personality of the current partner. This is a situation of growth for both partners as the Saturnian is learning to share his prior experiences in a teaching position while the other partner is developing the planet in question.

Without the strength and support of a significant Saturn contact, it is fairly difficult to think in terms of long-term possibility in a relationship. This planet is a powerhouse that is often avoided in synastry because the implications are, on the surface, unpleasant. After all, we really don’t like to hear the truth about our relationships or ourselves."

So how does this work in relation to myself and HeWhoKnows? I see that my natal Saturn at 12.55 Aries trines his Moon at 13.35 Leo, and his Saturn at 26.3 Pisces trines my Mars at 28.54 Scorpio. Maybe we're OK for the long haul then - each teaching and learning a few lessons on the journey. We've both been through the relationship grinder more than once and have a goodly store of lessons to share with each other. I guess that's how HWK got his nickname!

I looked at my parents' charts too. They managed 55 years of often turbulent but always loving and faithful relationship. My mother's natal Saturn conjoined Dad's Neptune in Cancer. The clincher in their charts, I think, was the fact that Mum's natal Uranus was only 6* away from Dad's Aquarius Sun, and sextiled his Saturn in Aries.

I wouldn't go as far as Dena Moore in saying that long term possibilities may be dubious in the absence of Saturn contact though. Other aspects may supply a strengthening effect powerful enough to overcome lack of strong communal aspects from the celestial teacher. We ought not to forget that external factors such as environment, education, background etc. carry just as much weight, in my view, as astrological ones in any kind of relationship. I always view any astrological theory like this as a possibility, something to think about and watch for, rather than a rule that's written in stone.

Sunday's Song and Alternative Zodiac Definitions

I wonder what advice astrologers might give to a lad or lass singing the following heartfelt ditty?
Here's my advice: (wink)
"Stop all that partying on Saturday nights, study astrology instead - then you'll know what to look for. Alternatively, buy a dog!"

A SUNDAY KIND OF LOVE

I want a Sunday Kind of Love.

A love to last, past Saturday night.

I'd like to know that it's more than love at first sight.

I need a Sunday Kind of Love.

Oh yeah, I need a love that's on the square.

Can't seem to find that somebody, someone to care.

I'm on a lonely road that leads me nowhere.

I need a Sunday kind of love.

I do my Sunday dreaming, oh yeah all my Sunday scheming.

Every minute, every hour, every day

Oh I'm hoping to discover that certain kind of lover

Who will show me the way.

My arms need someone to enfold

Keeping me warm when Monday's and Tuesday's grow cold.

Love for all my life to have and to hold.

Oh I want a Sunday kind of love.

(Words & Music by Barbara Belle, Louis Prima, Anita Leonard & Stan Rhodes Recorded by Etta James, Jo Stafford and others in the past, by Reba McEntire, Renee Olstead, and Christina Aguilera more recently.)

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I chuckled over these alternative definitions of zodiac signs written by Dennis, The Rambling Man.

Here's a taster - for Capricorn and Aquarius

The old…
December 22 to January 20…Capricorn
The new…
December 22 to January 20…Lava Lamp…Those born under the sign of the Lava Lamp can be as mysterious as they are persnickety. They seldom understand simple instructions and will expend more energy to get out of doing something than it would have taken to do it in the first place. This is, of course, why most Lava Lamps work for the government.

The old…
January 21 to February 19…Aquarius
The new…
January 21 to February 19…Scissors…Those born under the sign of Scissors have an innate fear of rock, but are fearless and unbeatable in the presence of paper. Because of the obvious danger involved, experienced marathon participants are not foolish enough to run with Scissors. Even with all this going for them they are not particularly sharp and there is no point to their existence.

Cheatin' Hearts Beware!

I found an interesting piece yesterday, called "A Genetic Test for the Likelihood of Cheating?" It's in a blog entitled "Love, Honor and Dismay"
here (dated 31 January 2007).
It's is not an astrology blog, the author has a background in psychology.

If the test results featured can be relied upon (some of those who left comments doubted this) how interesting it would be to check the birth charts of those tested ! Would a common astrological indicator show up in the charts of those people who carry the gene or configuration said to indicate a predisposition to cheat on their partner ?

Perhaps one day astrologers will be invited to take part in such investigations. (Well, I can dream can't I?)