Saturday & Sundry Limericks etc.

From a selection found in a 1975 book of wit and whimsy: ~

The limerick packs laughs anatomical
Into space that is quite economical.
But the good ones I've seen
So seldom are clean
And the clean ones so seldom are comical.



There was a young lady names Bright
Who travelled much faster than light.
She started one day
In the relative way
And returned on the previous night.


There's a wonderful family called Stein,
There's Gert and there's Epp and their's Ein;
Gert's poems are bunk,
Epp's statues are junk,
And no one can understand Ein.


A tutor who tooted the flute
Tried to tutor two tooters to toot,
Said the two to the tutor,
"Is it harder to toot, or
To tutor two tooters to toot?"

A maiden at college, Miss Breeze,
Weighed down by B.A.'s and Lit.D's
Collapsed from the strain,
Said her doctor, "It's plain
You are killing yourself by degrees."



PLUS a couple of groan-worthy riddles :

What's the difference between a bird with one wing and a bird with two wings?
A difference of a pinion.

What is the difference between a king's son, a monkey's mother, a bald head, and an orphan?
A king's son is an heir apparent, a monkey's mother is a hairy pareant, a bald head has no hair apparent, and an orphan has nary a parent.



And a trio of wise(ish)cracks:

In politics the paths of glory lead but to the gravy.

Immigration is the sincerest form of flattery.

Lend your neighbour a garden rake and he'll come back for mower.


And a bit of wise advice:

Never break your bread or roll in your soup.