From QUORA
"What are TL;DRs for some religions?"
(TL;DR = too long;did not read.)
I guess, really, the questioner was asking: what are shorter definitions/explanations of some religions. But what do I know ? In acronym-laden cyberland much is taken for granted!
Barry Goldberg's great answer (and I trust he will not object to my borrowing it):
Barry Goldberg, Born Jewish, Raised Mormon, Discovered Philosophy and Became Atheist.[With a VERY large grain of salt and tongue firmly planted in cheek] ----
Judaism: People hate us because we’re God’s chosen people, and what God apparently chose us for is to be hated by everybody else.
Catholicism: God sacrificed Himself to Himself to appease Himself in order to save us from Himself.
Islam: We are the Religion of Peace™ and we will totally kill anybody who says otherwise.
Sikhism: We wear turbans and carry ceremonial swords and no, we are not Muslims!
Hinduism: Don’t eat meat; that cow could be your great-grandfather.
Buddhism: We’re a religion, but we don’t believe in God. Psyche!
Mormonism: “As Man is, God once was; as God is, man may become.”
Born Again Christians: “I know because I know because I know. Oh — and everybody else is going to burn in hell forever and ever!”
Jehovah’s Witnesses: We may believe some crazy stuff and be annoying as all get out, but at least we’re not as bad as Scientologists!
Universal Unitarianism: We don’t actually believe anything in particular, but we love to dress the part.
[Bonus joke: What do you get if you cross a Jehovah’s Witness with a Universal Unitarian? Somebody who knocks on your door for no particular reason.]
Even more!
Lutherans: We’re just like Catholics, except grumpier.
Anglican/Church of England: We’re just like Catholics, except we can get divorced.
Episcopalians: We’re just like the Church of England, but without the posh accent.
Wicca: We recently decided to call ourselves witches and now claim the right to define what the word “witch” has meant throughout all of recorded history.
Shakers: We enforce celibacy for everybody. And now there’s only two of us left. Seriously. I am not making this up.
Satanists: Baby-eating practitioners of the dark arts, or just a parody religion to poke fun at Christianity? We’ll never tell! BWA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA!
Pastafarianism: OK, we really are just a parody religion to poke fun at Christianity. All hail the Spaghetti Monster, praise be His Noodly Appendages, Ramen!
Zoroastrianism: You know that cool music at the beginning of “2001: A Space Odyssey” called Also Sprach Zarathustra? That’s us, Baby!
Scientology: Trillions of years ago the evil galactic overlord Xenu flew a bunch of aliens to earth in Boeing 747s and blew them up with hydrogen bombs inside volcanoes and… Never mind, just give us all your money!
Young Earth Creationism: Our minds are made up, don’t confuse us with the facts!
And finally…
Atheism: “We’re not a religion, damn it!”
Catholicism: God sacrificed Himself to Himself to appease Himself in order to save us from Himself.
Islam: We are the Religion of Peace™ and we will totally kill anybody who says otherwise.
Sikhism: We wear turbans and carry ceremonial swords and no, we are not Muslims!
Hinduism: Don’t eat meat; that cow could be your great-grandfather.
Buddhism: We’re a religion, but we don’t believe in God. Psyche!
Mormonism: “As Man is, God once was; as God is, man may become.”
Born Again Christians: “I know because I know because I know. Oh — and everybody else is going to burn in hell forever and ever!”
Jehovah’s Witnesses: We may believe some crazy stuff and be annoying as all get out, but at least we’re not as bad as Scientologists!
Universal Unitarianism: We don’t actually believe anything in particular, but we love to dress the part.
[Bonus joke: What do you get if you cross a Jehovah’s Witness with a Universal Unitarian? Somebody who knocks on your door for no particular reason.]
Even more!
Lutherans: We’re just like Catholics, except grumpier.
Anglican/Church of England: We’re just like Catholics, except we can get divorced.
Episcopalians: We’re just like the Church of England, but without the posh accent.
Wicca: We recently decided to call ourselves witches and now claim the right to define what the word “witch” has meant throughout all of recorded history.
Shakers: We enforce celibacy for everybody. And now there’s only two of us left. Seriously. I am not making this up.
Satanists: Baby-eating practitioners of the dark arts, or just a parody religion to poke fun at Christianity? We’ll never tell! BWA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA!
Pastafarianism: OK, we really are just a parody religion to poke fun at Christianity. All hail the Spaghetti Monster, praise be His Noodly Appendages, Ramen!
Zoroastrianism: You know that cool music at the beginning of “2001: A Space Odyssey” called Also Sprach Zarathustra? That’s us, Baby!
Scientology: Trillions of years ago the evil galactic overlord Xenu flew a bunch of aliens to earth in Boeing 747s and blew them up with hydrogen bombs inside volcanoes and… Never mind, just give us all your money!
Young Earth Creationism: Our minds are made up, don’t confuse us with the facts!
And finally…
Atheism: “We’re not a religion, damn it!”
6 comments:
Hilarious!
Heather ~ I thought so too! :-)
Nothing like starting a wet Sunday with a good laugh! (Yes, it's raining in France!)
RJ Adams ~ Yep - a good larf can be therapeutic in these times. Hmm - il pleut eh?
Ici, il est très humide! ;-(
Funny stuff!
anyjazz ~ 'Tis too!
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