Fuzzed Up Scorpio

Before the Sun makes its exit from zodiac sign Scorpio in a few days' time, here's a little something I dug out of the November 2007 archives. Readers with strong Scorpio flavour in their natal charts should prepare to be offended or amused - or both, or neither.

Stopping off at a second-hand book shop one day, I headed towards the back of the shop, the most hidden recesses and, sure enough, there so as not to embarrass the shop owner was a small section of books devoted to "weird subjects". I was surprised to find quite a collection of secondhand books on witchcraft and Wicca here. Is there more going on in Oklahoma than meets the eye?

There were only two books on astrology, An Idiot's Guide to Astrology and You Were Born On a Rotten Day. Now, idiot I may be, but I avoid advertising the fact more than is necessary - although passing readers may think differently! "Idiot's Guide" would not look good on my bookshelf. The co-authors of the second slim volume had certainly written their book on a rotten day - rotten for astrology that is. I had to chuckle over a few of their quips though, so bought the book for the knock-down price of a dollar.

You Were Born on a Rotten Day ("The unofficial horoscope guide that tells it like it really is.....A book that comes to you after years of painful guesswork") was written by Jim Critchfield and Jerry Hopkins, first printed 1969 in Los Angeles. (I should mention that it is not the same as a later book with a similar title, "Born on a Rotten Day", that one is by different authors.)

A collection of spoof Sun Sign interpretations - I suspect the same idea has been better done and with more wit and zing in recent years, but this early attempt at astrological humour is kind of sweet.

SCORPIO

"Men and women born under the Sign of Scorpio have very active minds, bodies and police records.

This sign is all fuzzed up with mythological happenings about a pretty lady who gave a nice man a scorpion which promptly bit him and gave him such a lump he never got over it.

Much of life is like that for Scorpios.....they never get over it, or in it, or anything about it. Tragic, painfully tragic.

To begin with, Mercury rules the pelvis of each Scorpio. (You can just imagine what that causes when the lights are out). Due to this pelvic problem Scorpio has a thing about love. Crying out for love, but shoving it away when it comes. (Doesn't this one choke you up?)

Scorpio women are very giving by nature, which always makes them sought after by men who throw certain kinds of parties.

Scorpio men, on the other hand, find happiness in the Armed Services, since they are the simply marvelous cheaters at poker and craps. The Scorpio born should try to direct their emotions toward more healthy outlets....like organising waterfalls...or sending gift packages to needy Admirals.

If you are a Scorpio, never play with your yo-yo in public. (Note from me: Now that IS wise advice, Scorpios!)

Your Lucky Color is fading, and your Lucky Day is worse than most.