Saturday, July 16, 2016

Zodiacal Aggravation

I came upon this light-weight, fairly light-hearted ramble through the zodiac signs
(Sun-sign-wise) in
The Best of the Illustrated National Astrological Journal 1934
- a volume I found in an antique store on our travels years ago:

Aggravating the Zodiac - Advice to Belligerents and Tips on the Art of Peace Making, by Ellen McCaffery

I've copy-typed the piece here. The original used "he" throughout, I've changed those references to "he/she" or "their" to make it clearly all-inclusive.

As astrology fans are well aware, Sun sign related edicts are not always 100% reliable. If your Sun sign paragraph isn't recognisable to you as "you" in this context, take a look until you find a paragraph that fits well, then look at your natal chart. I bet you'll find that you have personal planet(s) in that sign or, if you know your time of birth, your rising sign is "it". Image below has reminders of date spans for each zodiac sign.

Keep an Aries person waiting for hours on end, then give a long-winded explanation as to why you are late. Insist on both of you wearing headgear or carrying an umbrella in the rain, and such trivialities will arouse the Aries temper to boiling point. Aries will walk out slam the door vigorously. Next day, in trying to make amends, Aries is called asking for their help to fix some equipment of yours that's out of order, and "nobody can fix it quite as well as you" - a promise that they'll be there "on the dot of" 8pm might ensue. Aries admires positiveness, for there is no zodiacal sign quite so positive as Aries. Peace-making may be stormy but can be done...until next time.

Taureans, unlike Arians, are notably late-arrivers. If you wish to make one completely enraged, don't wait when he/she is late. Try to hurry anyone born under the sign of the Bull, and you will have snorting anger on your hands. Hurt his/her feelings by leaving him out of the festivities you plan. The old adage, "Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned", might have been said of Venus on the occasion when she was denied the prize apple and left out of a party, and as Taurus is ruled by Venus, draw your own conclusions. Nasty, slighting remarks concerning the success of your affair will be made. When you have thoroughly aggravated your Taurean, wait until he/she has had time to stop sulking, for if his/her anger is really aroused you'll have to wait for your own safety, until he/she cools off. Then, meet him/her "accidentally" someplace, or get an intermediary to arrange it. Upon seeing you, his/her old
habit of being nice to you will take precedence over his/her anger. Be pleasant and he/she'll be at your feet again.

To rile a Gemini is one of the easiest things you can think of, and he/she is equally easy to placate, for the memory of the Twins is not long. They are as volatile as steam but highly intelligent, so to make one angry, criticize his/her mental processes. Insist on pinning him/her down to details. Weep on his/her shoulder, but don't let him/her dampen yours with his/her grief. After all this is accomplished, you will have a highly irritated Gemini. To make up, don't do anything but pursue your ordinary course and call that evening.

For all the home-loving, peaceful nature of the Cancerian, he/she is worse than a catastrophe of nature when aroused, so don't start to pick a fight, for in all probability you won't last long enough to make peace. The only way to bring about harmony again, once it is disrupted, is to prime one of your friends to say harsh things about you, and he/she will rush to the rescue.

A Leo is so thoroughly complacent and sure of himself that ridicule touches him not, so don't take this tack during the aggravating process. He/she will merely think you a fool, but he/she does love a good fight, so you can expect a jolly time if he/she gets mad. The way to bring about this condition is to introduce him/her to another Leo, and leave them to settle the conflict. Annoy his/her light-o'-love, and he/she will rise to the defense immediately. Put him/her in an inferior position and hurt their pride. That is the Leo "Achilles heel" - pride. The last bit of advice is to be used only when you wish to remove a Leo permanently from the scene of activity. Don't employ that in a an ordinary friendly or lovers' spat, for you will find there is no Leo on your horizon to make up with. For peace, after a small quarrel, though, just make known your real affection/respect and the depth of it, and all will be lovely.

Offend Virgo's love of detail when he/she is preparing long columns of statistics, if you wish trouble. Make loud noises of any kind when he/she is occupied; argue with him/her about their diet. Insist on a quick decision, for the Virgo mind must weigh every detail before a ponderous opinion is expressed. Insult his/her sense of the fitness of things by splitting infinitives; he/she can't stand bad grammar. When you've worn his/her nerves to the ragged edge, insist you were in the wrong. He/she knows that, but likes to be told, for it soothes his/her wounded vanity.

Librans don't like to fight, so they fade gracefully away if strife gets too thick, but there are a few things that disturb the sign of harmony. One is to make him/her get their hands dirty doing manual labor. That has no part in the Libra scheme of existence. Criticize their clothes or try to make them hurry. If you do upset his/her equilibrium he/she becomes moody. But remember this: he or she can find ready consolation with another and more sympathetic individual, so don't delay with the peace offering.

Our advice concerning the aggravation of Scorpios is - don't! They always get you in the long run. He/she won't show wild emotion as the Cancerian does - his/hers is a cold icy wind from the North, full of sharp, stinging remarks that hurt no end. If you do have the misfortune to fight with a Scorpio, you may be sure that, although it appears so on the surface, things will never be the same again. Give them the last word, and either make the best of it or gently disappear from the scene.

Sagittarius is the sign of theories, so to anger one, pull his or her pet theory to pieces. Limit him/her in anything and he/she's done for, as they like the whole world as their field of activity. Accuse him/her of lack of chivalry or generosity, and to cap the climax, talk about your trips when he/she wants to talk about his/hers. Don't do anything after a scrap - a Sagittarian thinks that you've gotten over being angry as quickly as he/she has.

Capricorn represents dignity and ambition, so to anger one, offend that overweening confidence and pride of his/hers. Make ribald remarks when he is trying to make an impression, and find fault with him/her. When time comes for an armistice to be signed, the Capricornian will work all around the cause for anger but never mention it directly. He/she finds the hardest task in the world admitting that he/she was wrong.

Aquarian anger is a bit heavy-footed, for this subject often blunders into a battle, rather than seeks it. But to irritate Aquarius thoroughly, delve into the past and drag it up for him/her. He/she can see nothing but the bright future of a coming age. Pooh-pooh his/her ideals and you have him/her in a veritable stew. Tell him/her long stories and make him/her listen. His/her temper is quick and on a hair edge, and you may find yourself involved in a scrap when you least expect it, by unwittingly treading on his/her figurative toes. To patch up the rents in friendship though, wait until he/she has exhausted his/her energy and he/she'll do the peace-making. An Aquarian in a rage is like a tornado, suddenly there and suddenly gone, so the best policy is not to pick a fight.

Pisceans find themselves in the clouds, so to make one mad, bring him/her down from their heavenly perch. Talk practically to him/her - they have no use for it. Disparage their successes, lay them to luck rather than their own efforts, and then tell him/her they are an ingrate. As a Piscean doesn't deliberately lie, but rather brilliantly embroiders the truth until it is a beautiful rainbow-colored story, the best thing to do in angering him/her is to tear large holes in the delicate gossamer of their tales. In making up, remember that you, and you alone were the cause of friction, regardless of the true facts. He/she dotes on martyrdom, so let him/her feel abused. But give him or her to understand that you are one of the few souls alive who "understands" him/her, watch the Piscean fold delightedly up on your bosom, and all is well.


R J Adams said...

Mrs RJ would heartily agree with THAT definition of a Gemini. I, of course, would not!

Twilight said...

RJ Adams ~ Naturally! ;-)