Wednesday, October 20, 2010

Losing & Winning ~ Parable on Commitment

Another helping from Dr. David K. Reynold's book. This parable relates to relationships and fear of commitment. Astrologically these connect to 7th House, zodiac sign Libra, and its ruler Venus. Also linked in this tale is Saturn (as the father), and perhaps Chiron (the Woulded Healer). I see a preponderance of Mutable signs potentially involved as well: Gemini, Virgo, Sagittarius and Pisces. I doubt that a prominence of Fixed or Cardinal signs would be so....well... mutable: changeable, and lacking or fearing commitment, in spite of an unfortunate childhood loss.

See what you think! (By the way, important point: "Corinne" could just as easily be "Colin" with gender references in both cases altered - or not !)

Losing and Winning

Corinne's father died when she was only eight years old. As a grownup she couldn't remember much about him. Something he left her, though, was the fear that men would leave her. Corinne cried when she thought of losing someone.

Corinne tried all sorts of ways to keep men from leaving her. She learned to act sexually assertive and to talk tough in her attempts to please and emulate menfolk. She worked hard at warding off loss and rejection. And, pretty much, she succeeded. Corinne was a bright and beautiful lady. She revealed what talents she possessed and who she pretended to be to full advantage.

In the back of her mind, however, was a nagging question about who she really was.

Corinne had learned techniques to ward off the most dreaded possibility of life she could think of, but she hadn't learned to give herself away to someone who would give himself away to her. She had insured her measure of success with men, but found that success less than fully satisfying. She made sure that her interests were potected, but wondered at the cost.

Life brought Corinne opportunities now and then to sacrifice herself for someone else. Corinne saw these opportunities as dilemmas. Her friend was ill, but she couldn't afford to take time off from work to be with her. A boyfriend was willing to make a life commitment to her, but Corinne feared the entangling commitments of marriage. What if he discovered her true self (whatever that might be) after years of marriage and left her? It was all so difficult.

Corinne worked as an elementary school teacher. She found her work very satisfying. The headaches and long hours of working with barrio kids produced an odd delight in Corinne. School was the major part of Corinne's life in which her personal interests went unprotected. The salary raises and benefits were appreciated, but Corinne would have taught for free and worked on the side to earn money. She knew they needed her - her love and respect as well as her teaching ability. There was no problem with lack of confidence in this area of Corinne's life.

Why didn't Corinne figure out what you know already? Why didn't she transfer what she had learned as a teacher to her existence as a woman? In time, she did. She outgrew her childish self-protectiveness. She tried other ways of being with a gentle and patient man. When she discovered that being herself didn't scare him away she was so relieved that she began thinking some about HIS needs, HIS convenience, about protecting HIM. That put her on the track.

Just another happy ending-beginning.

("Commitment" - sculpture by Michael Speller).


Wisewebwoman said...

Being a commitment-phobe myself I can strongly relate to this story, though a father doesn't have to die, in my case my father abandoned me emotionally when I reached puberty. Quite a common theme with fathers and daughters.

R J Adams said...

I'm not sure the story of every Corinne would have such a happy ending.

Twilight said...

WWW ~~~ Thanks for your input and personal experience of a sensitive subject.

I can't add anything from my own experience, and do feel very lucky not to be able to do so. But I feel for those who've had to deal with the psychological challenges involved when a parent abandons them, physically or otherwise.

Commitment comes as second nature to me - with one proviso - I have to feel I've found someone who is "for me" (hard to explain) -I've been lucky twice on this front. So all in all I'm a lucky gal, and know it!

Twilight said...

RJ Adams ~~~ I doubt it too, RJ - but books like the one from which this is taken are trying to help, so any possible negative outcomes are not emphasised or mentioned. That's as it should be.

A lot depends upon Corinne's or Colin's basic nature and the underpinnings of it (back to astrology and/or inherited characteristics). There are traits that could block a positive outcome to such a story.