Another slice of wonderful silliness courtesy of Ian Lang and Quora (with his kind blanket permission).
The question here was:
"What is the most hilarious way to describe humanity?"
Ian Lang answered:
The question here was:
"What is the most hilarious way to describe humanity?"
Ian Lang answered:
The Book of Cynicos, which is not generally accepted as Church canon, and which comes before most of Genesis, goes thusly:
1. And lo, it was Saturday. And God had a cup of coffee and some Weetabix, and set forth to work.
2. And the Angel Mick did watcheth over God’s shoulder.
3.“I like the cows, very good patterning on the skin,” spaketh Mick. And God did reply “Thanks. Wait until you see the zebras”.
4. And God did maketh the giraffe, and did rolleth out the neck, and did get distracted by Cherubim playing football noisily in the garden. And God did commandeth Mick:
5. “Go and tell them to bugger off and play somewhere else, will you? Look at what I’ve done here because of them. That neck’s only supposed to be six inches.”
6. And God did looketh at his clock, and was pressed for time. “Oh, well” spaketh the Lord, “it’ll just have to do now”.
7.And Mick did return, having told the Cherubim to sod off and take their bloody football with them, just as God was making monkeys.
8.And God came to the last of the monkeys, and commanded Mick to pass him a monkey brain from the jar on the bench. And Mick did passeth from the jar, and God fitted the brain, and lo, the monkey was given life and walked in the Garden.
9.And God had another coffee and watched his work, whereupon he narrowed his eyes and did say “is that monkey talking?”
10.And God and Mick watched, and lo, the Monkey did say “I’m hungry. What’s for lunch?”
11. And God spake to Mick and did sayeth “what jar did you get that brain from?” and Mick did indicate the vessel.
12. “Oh bugger!” exclaimethed God. That was going to go in the last thing I was going to make after this coffee! It was going to be the supreme creation upon the Earth!”
13. And Mick did sayeth “oops. Sorry, Lord”.
14.“I don’t know what’s going to happen here now. God brains, monkey body. We’ll have to keep an eye on it. I suppose I’d better make it a mate, we don’t want it getting randy and trying to hump the other monkeys.”
15. And lo, in the Garden were now very bright monkeys and a big headache for God. And God did remarketh “we’ll have to put somebody down there to watch things. Who’ve we got doing nothing much?”
16. And Mick did replieth “Well, young Lucifer’s not busy”.
17. Oops
1. And lo, it was Saturday. And God had a cup of coffee and some Weetabix, and set forth to work.
2. And the Angel Mick did watcheth over God’s shoulder.
3.“I like the cows, very good patterning on the skin,” spaketh Mick. And God did reply “Thanks. Wait until you see the zebras”.
4. And God did maketh the giraffe, and did rolleth out the neck, and did get distracted by Cherubim playing football noisily in the garden. And God did commandeth Mick:
5. “Go and tell them to bugger off and play somewhere else, will you? Look at what I’ve done here because of them. That neck’s only supposed to be six inches.”
6. And God did looketh at his clock, and was pressed for time. “Oh, well” spaketh the Lord, “it’ll just have to do now”.
7.And Mick did return, having told the Cherubim to sod off and take their bloody football with them, just as God was making monkeys.
8.And God came to the last of the monkeys, and commanded Mick to pass him a monkey brain from the jar on the bench. And Mick did passeth from the jar, and God fitted the brain, and lo, the monkey was given life and walked in the Garden.
9.And God had another coffee and watched his work, whereupon he narrowed his eyes and did say “is that monkey talking?”
10.And God and Mick watched, and lo, the Monkey did say “I’m hungry. What’s for lunch?”
11. And God spake to Mick and did sayeth “what jar did you get that brain from?” and Mick did indicate the vessel.
12. “Oh bugger!” exclaimethed God. That was going to go in the last thing I was going to make after this coffee! It was going to be the supreme creation upon the Earth!”
13. And Mick did sayeth “oops. Sorry, Lord”.
14.“I don’t know what’s going to happen here now. God brains, monkey body. We’ll have to keep an eye on it. I suppose I’d better make it a mate, we don’t want it getting randy and trying to hump the other monkeys.”
15. And lo, in the Garden were now very bright monkeys and a big headache for God. And God did remarketh “we’ll have to put somebody down there to watch things. Who’ve we got doing nothing much?”
16. And Mick did replieth “Well, young Lucifer’s not busy”.
17. Oops
Snorting the coffee I am.
ReplyDeleteAnd peace never reigneth. Amen.
XO
WWW
Wisewebwoman ~ LOL! :-D
ReplyDeletePS - We watched a movie on Netflix last evening "The Nines" - it's arty farty to the nines - and after reading around reviews and explanations for what seems like hours I think I understand the ending. Oddly enough it kind of ties in with Ian Lang's bit of tomfoolery above - in that St Mick might actually be a character. That might be a spoiler. It's a very irritating movie, but Melissa McCarthy is good in it -as is the acting. It's the premise that is a bit sticky - especially if you go to slipp in mid movie as I did. :-)
Funny stuff! The author has a good sense and writes well.
ReplyDeleteanyjazz ~ Yes, I agree - I take it you meant to say "good sense of humour". :) Though I'm pretty sure he has plenty good sense too - from his more technical answers.
ReplyDelete