Music Monday at Christmastime (oh no!)

Christmas. Music. Heart sinks! Maybe I've lived through too many musical Christmases, too many "O come all ye...", too many "Little towns", too many Silent ones, Blue ones, too much Harkening to Herald Angels, too many Pah-ra-pa-pa-pums.

Others have, occasionally, turned things around. As Washington Irving once wrote: "There is a certain relief in change, even though it be from bad to worse! As I have often found in travelling in a stagecoach, that it is often a comfort to shift one’s position, and be bruised in a new place."

A few changes coming up.


For Americans, of a certain age, I'll bet the first that springs to mind is Walt Kelly's creation - he of "Pogo" fame - to the tune of "The Holly & the Ivy"

Deck us all with Boston Charlie,
Walla Walla, Wash., an' Kalamazoo!
Nora's freezin' on the trolley,
Swaller dollar cauliflower alley-garoo!

Don't we know archaic barrel
Lullaby Lilla Boy, Louisville Lou?
Trolley Molly don't love Harold,
Boola boola Pensacoola hullabaloo!

Bark us all bow-wows of folly,
Polly wolly cracker 'n' too-da-loo!
Donkey Bonny brays a carol,
Antelope Cantaloupe, 'lope with you! etc
rest is here
http://www.straightdope.com/columns/read/458/what-are-the-lyrics-to-walt-kellys-classic-carol-deck-us-all-with-boston-charlie
and elsewhere!

For the following 3 parodies I owe a huge hat-tip to Choral Net

Jingle Bells, The Yorkie version
by Isabel M. Gordon and the Brindleton BoxerKids (to the tune of "Jingle
Bells")

Stomping thru the snow,
Just me and my Yorkie.
Over the fields we go,
Just so she will pee.
Darkness all around,
We know she won't obey.
Her nose is anchored to the ground
Sniffing all the way. Hey!
Midnight Run
Where's the sun?
Can't we make this quick?
When I think we're almost done
She finds something to lick. Ick!.....(rest of lyrics at the link)


And a couple of really cynical ones to add spice, from the same linked website:

THE OTHER CHRISTMAS SONG
(Joe Hickerson)

Christians roasting on an open fire
Lions nibbling at their toes
Pagan carols being sung by a choir
While Romans raffle off their clothes
Everybody knows when Nero plays his violin
All of Rome will be a-glow
One dead Jew, and an Arab or two
Hare Krishna, to you.


And

THE FIRST HARD SELL (The First Noel)
(Christopher Hershey)


The first hard sell comes sometime in June
When last season's Christmas cards take too much room,
So they put them out in an off-season bin,
For in June they are getting their new shipments in.

Hard sell, hard sell
Hard sell, hard sell
This is the Christmas we all know so well.

About midway in July the lay-away plans
Make their laying-away-in-a-manger demands,
And installment plans begin their attempt to entice
You end up paying twice the original price.

Then early in the fall there's a pre-season bluff
To sell gift wrappings, ribbons and other such stuff
Buy it now! the ads demand, if you don't buy it, you
Will discover we're out of it when you want to.

By the time October comes, every store's lined with snares
With Halowe'en, Christmas and Thanksgiving wares;
What once were festivals that were simple and plain
All have become mere excuses for capital gain.



Alright then - I'll slap my own hands and wrists and post my proper,
tongue-out-of-cheek Christmas offering: Gaudete sung by Steeleye Span

Oh - I'd forgotten all about this one - hadn't heard it for years: Fairytale of New York, the Pogues & Kirsty MacColl