Gemini's Rotten Day

Another dose (and, once again, I use the term advisedly because the following is not easy to swallow) of "You Were Born on a Rotten Day" by Jim Critchfield and Jerry Hopkins, bravely published in 1969, surprisingly reprinted in a further four editions. As I remind myself when posting occasional sections from this slim volume, the book was probably one of the first ever attempts to spoof (or ridicule) astrology columns, its novelty may have accounted for its success. A good spoof works on two levels: by being superficially funny for an audience not well versed in the relevant genre, and funny on a deeper level for the in-crowd who are able to pick up all the clever, and preferably affectionate, references. This book doesn't really work on either level, but it is a little piece of astrological history.

So - these are the authors' demented thoughts on Gemini. I'd best mention that any astrological information herein is not accurate, as most will immediately gather (e.g. Neptune and Pluto have no connection with Gemini).

I have a sneaking suspicion that one or other of the authors had Gemini prominent at their nativity!

GEMINI

"Castor and Pollox represent the twins of Gemini and neither should be taken on an empty stomach. Persons born under this sign are never what they appear to be. The Gemini-born love to "strike a pose". This is all right if the blinds are pulled and if you're positive neither of the girls is a vice squad cop.

If you are a Gemini you are a "natural" for show biz. You wear lamp shades at parties, clean out elepheant barns, and dance a dirty quadrille.

You attract attention naturally because of your tendency to carry tubas on subways and crowded elevators, and to challenge people to Indian wrestling matches. Because you are such a so-so actor, your chances in politics are excellent.

Pluto and Neptune, the planets which are bad news everywhere, are your planets, making you irresponsible, incorrigible, unmanageable and fun to be with.

You do not believe in the accurate, proven, time-tested predictions of horoscopes. Thus, most astrologers can't stand you any more than your relatives can. Your Lucky Star is Lassie and you obviously have no Lucky Number at all."

Samples from "A Typical Miserable Gemini Month"

13th~ Today you will think you're at wit's end. Not so. Your wit ended 2 years ago.

17th~ Beware of high-handedness today. Don't pet giraffes.

29th~ Moon gives marvelous sense of balance now. Date a tightrope walker.

Groan!